Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.


The Creative arts are indispensable to the wellbeing of human beings. When it comes to whether the arts should be funded by the government or not, however, people tend to hold mixed views. Personally, I believe the funding should come from both the government and private means.

The Government should allocate funds for creative arts artists for various reasons. Creative arts, including paintings, sculptures, architectures, music, etc, are beneficial to the overall development of human beings, serving as a means to enhance people’s taste for art and sensitivity to beauty. In addition, Artworks are important also because they represent culture, heritage and history of a city or country. Some outstanding artworks, including buildings and sculptures, can help boost city landscapes and therefore, local tourism. A case in point is the Sydney Opera House, which has become a landmark building of Australia and has attracted millions of visitors. Without such artworks, our cities would be less interesting and attractive.

It is undeniable that for some less-developed economies where the fund for infrastructures is even insufficient, allocating money for the arts may sound impractical. The public services, such as education, healthcare, security, etc, are vital for a country to function properly, whereas the work of creative artists, even in public places, is a luxury. It seems that government money expenditures should be allocated to more pressing social concerns such as AIDS epidemic, the soaring crime rate and the widening gap between the rich and the poor. In such cases, the private society or enterprises can be encouraged to fund for those talented artists.


In conclusion, government can support creative artists based on their own financial strengths. If not, creative artists can rely on alternative sources o f financial support.

aAssessment:

Task Response:
the examiner is looking for 4 things:
• Answer to all parts of the task (you covered all keywords, both topic key words and goals keywords)
• Present a clear position throughout the essay (state your position in the introduction, explain in detail this position in the body, and reiterate this position in the conclusion)
• Extend support main ideas/topic sentences (includes language that tell you to support ideas, appropriate tones and viewpoints, and examples from experience)
• Write enough words (should be at least 150 for task 1 and 250 for task 2, should not be wordy) 7.0
Introduction: good introduction, you have covered the topic well, you have stated your position about the topic. A good recipe for a good introduction is to have a background of the topic next is stating the problem and lastly propose a solution.

Body: you have discussed the topic well, with minimal mistakes and you have covered enough words to do the task.

Conclusion: you have a good conclusion, sometimes a conclusion must challenge a readers mind or foresee the future with the topic in mind.

Useful tips: Try to plan before you write or start your essay give a minute or two to think. Then write down the advantages and disadvantages of topic, to have an idea of the things that you'll write.
Cohesion and Coherence:
the examiner is looking for 3 things:
• Paragraphing (has a clear topic sentence or main idea which should be the first sentence; with enough details and examples; with closing sentence)
• Logical organization of the essay (main ideas should be progressing meaning one paragraph is linked to the others especially to the central idea or position in the introduction)
• Cohesive devices need to be used well (sentences should be linked smoothly to each other, the easiest way to do this is with conjunctive adverbs, but there are better ways like repetition of key phrase/words, synonyms, pronouns, sentence patterns) 7.0

Plan word groups that go with the topic sentence. Give a good introduction, write 3 to 5 sentences as your intro. Just say what are the things you are going to talk about on your essay. Don’t give out details yet, just main idea.

It is important to plan first, to have a logical essay, not a rumbled jumbled one. Try to picture out everything first to cover the topic well.

Lexical Resource:
the examiner is looking for 4 things:
• Range of vocabulary (uses less common words, words used precisely, minimal repeated words, not wordy)
• Spelling (frequency of error)
• Collocation (word combination makes sense, not just one correct word but a group of correctly related words)
• Word families (words are in the correct form, correct parts of speech)
7.0

Have time at the end to check your work. Check spelling, punctuation and spacing. Good choice of words, but if the idea of the sentence is not that good, your word choice will not stand out or will lose its value.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
the examiner is looking for 4 things:
• Accuracy of grammar (how many sentences are error free, what kinds of mistakes were committed, accuracy of simple and complex grammar, )
• Range of grammar (uses more complex structures, sentences are clearly organized) 6.5

You have very minimal mistakes in grammar, the thing that lacks is the use of more complex structures.
Try to see others work for added idea.
Good job!~
Practice more. 

Tips:
*write intelligent sentences
- Do not write sentences which are too obvious, too simple.
- Basic sentences have poor content and thus are boring to read.

Ex: Nowadays everyone like to listen to music.

*ask yourself Who/why/how questions??? To write a good sentence.

Ex: Nowadays everyone likes to listen to music as it offers us entertainment
And relaxation in our busy modern life.

*do not use contractions:

Ex: Don’t, Can’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t, isn’t, haven’t, hasn’t…

*Avoid there is/there are

Ex: There are many issues that students face at university. (Poor form)
Students face many issues at the university. (Good sentence)

*Avoid words like; Really, very, a lot, so

Ex: Many students think university is very hard difficult.

*passive vs active voice, always use “active voice”

Ex: Healthcare reforms were implemented by Obama. (Passive)
Obama implemented healthcare reforms. (Active)

*Use strong verbs

Ex: weak verb- He gave assistance to my friend
Objection,investigation, audit (weak verbs)
Strong verb- He assisted my friend
Objected, investigated, audited (strong verbs)

Revision:


The changes you find here are only grammatical and mechanical. Any change in content is for you to incorporate. Ideas set in bold (if any) are the ones that need to be improved, developed or changed.


Edited by: Rain


The Creative arts are indispensable to the well being of human beings. When it comes to whether the arts should be funded by the government or not, however, people tend to hold mixed views. Personally, I believe the funding should come from both the government and private means.

The Government should allocate funds for artists for various reasons. Creative arts, including paintings, sculptures, architectures, music, are beneficial to the overall development of human beings, serving as a means to enhance people’s taste for art and sensitivity to beauty. In addition, Artworks are important also because they represent culture, heritage and history of a city or country. Some outstanding artworks, including buildings and sculptures, can help boost city landscapes and therefore, local tourism. A case in point is the Sydney Opera House, which has become a landmark building of Australia and has attracted millions of visitors. Without such artworks, our cities would be less interesting and attractive.

It is undeniable that for some less-developed economies where the fund for infrastructures is even insufficient, allocating money for the arts may sound impractical. The public services, such as education, healthcare, security, etc, are vital for a country to function properly, whereas the work of creative artists, even in public places, is a luxury. Government expenditures should be allocated to more pressing social concerns such as the AIDS epidemic, the soaring crime rate and the widening gap between the rich and the poor. In such cases, the private society or enterprises can be encouraged to fund for those talented artists.


In conclusion, government can support creative artists based on their own financial strengths. If not, creative artists can rely on alternative sources of financial support.